All good things come to those who wait

I have to be honest here. It has taken me a week to be able to write this post. Why? Because somehow writing it down makes it real and I was really hoping it was a cruel joke.
The story is long and I won't bore you with the dirty details, but what is boils down to is we will not get to travel for a 8 weeks.
Our little adoption "travel" group is leaving today to pick up their children and here we sit with bags packed, a sitter ready, and 3 girls at home on the edge of their seats waiting to bring another sister into their lives.
Receiving news of another delay was like getting "hit in the chest with a sledgehammer"...or so I would assume, since I have never been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. (ha!)

We are surrounded by the BEST family and friends on earth. I've received numerous emails and calls. All with words of encouragement. However, being completely honest, I did not want to be soothed or made happy. It's was not a happy moment for us. In fact, it's not a happy week. It's been quite stressful. "patience is a virture", "good things come to those who wait", "all in God's timing". Great phrases, but not real comforting when you are seconds away from touching your child and it's pulled away from you. I am fortunate enough to be a biological mom, as well as an adoptive mom. That moment felt like I was in delivery, pushing, screaming, crying, and out pops this wonderful baby. Now imagine the doctor holding the baby up, saying, "Congratulations it's a girl, but you can't have her for eight weeks...maybe".Than you watch the doctor turn and walk out the door with your baby. ... That was our moment.

Am I whining? Yes! Am I proud of it...no. But, it's the truth. Feelings are feelings you can't control them. I am feeling empty, useless, helpless, and tired. Very, very tired.

On the flip side, we have many, many blessings. The adoption is still moving forward and eight weeks, is now down to seven. Spring is in the air and Emma will come home to nice warm weather instead of 20 below. The girls at home are taking this all in great stride (better than their mom). I am so, so thankful that God is in control because, for the brief moments I think I have control, he rapps my fingers and says, "back off, this is mine to handle for you. You enjoy the moment you're in and let tomorrow come tomorrow."

Ecclesisates 3:4 "A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance"

I think Solomon was going through an international adoption when he wrote that. ;-)