So Monday’s post came out a little harsh. I didn’t mean for it to be. Chalk it up to post-adoption depression. Trust me there is such a thing. For a year you ride on these endorphin highs, even the lows are a high. There is always something to look forward to, but mostly your new child. Then BAM! Its here and over in a flash. Just like a tornado, it’s strikes and it’s gone and you are left with a big ‘ole mess to clean up.
Messy isn’t a negative word in this context necessarily. It’s just like any other big change in one’s life. It happened after the birth of my biological children as well. There is change in routines and schedules. I used to thrive on change. I loved changed. Negative or positive...it was a reminder that we are definitely not in control of this crazy ride we call life. This time though it has been hardest for me. Maybe it’s because I am approaching 40 in just a few short weeks. Maybe it’s because Doug will be going on 2 years of unemployment in October. Maybe it’s because my oldest “baby” is leaving us next year for college or maybe it’s just …because.
I find that my biggest goal for the day is to actually make it through the day. Getting up out of bed is a huge chore and I can’t wait to get back into my bed and lay my head on my pillow. I am so tired these days I have even stopped dreaming. When I am at work, I wish I was at home, when I am at home I wish I was out having an adventure. I hate that feeling! I hate wishing my days away. Each day is a gift and I need to remember to treat it that way. Doesn’t matter where I am physically, it matters where I am mentally. So, instead of de-cluttering my house, I am de-cluttering my mind….pushing out everything that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter I am not a super model (although it would make it easier to find clothes), it doesn’t matter I am not a gourmet cook (my kids wouldn’t eat it anyway), it doesn’t matter I am the breadwinner of my family (my girls will have 2 years of daddy time memories), it just doesn’t matter.
Funny how God has a way of taking you to the brink to get his point across. Well really, God gets his point across just fine if we were to be quiet and listen. It’s my fault I am at the breaking point, I forgot what does matter. It reminds me of the line in the movie City Slickers.
Do you know what the secret of life is? One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and everything else don't mean (squat).

The story

“What’s her story?” That is the number one question I am asked about Mahlet. Funny, because that is not the number one question I was asked about out adopted daughter from China. Is it because adoptions from Africa are not as common (well, they are now)? Is it because they assume her parents are dead? Are they trying to figure out if she has some horrible disease? No one walks up to me and asks what’s my story or my biological daughters’ stories. Why do people want to know her “story”?
Well, I will tell you her story. She is a 7 year old girl who needed a home. End of story. That is the entire story that we needed. It should be more than adequate for you.
I am not saying that to be mean or to let you think we are hiding anything. I am saying that because she is a human being. You wouldn’t walk up to a complete stranger on the street and say, “Hey! Why don’t you have a leg?” No, it’s rude (and if you do, we should talk). It’s just as rude to think that sharing the intimate details of her young life is any of your business.
Again, the only thing that matters is that she is a 7 year old girl who needed a home and we are so blessed that we were chosen to be her family. That brings me to another point. People say, “You are so amazing for doing this.” I will be the first to step up to the plate and say we are not amazing. You know who is amazing? Mahlet is amazing. Eight weeks ago that girl was picked up and taken away from her life….literally, left everything behind. She was dropped into a new country, new house and new family. Yet every morning she wakes up with a smile on her face. She might not go to bed that way, but everyday she wakes up with a smile. What a grand testimony to her desire for life. She wakes up with a smile on her face and the attitude that this is a new day. Sure she has toys and TV and new clothes and sisters, but I am sure she would trade it all back in to be back in Ethiopia with people who understand her language, to the foods and smells she knows, to her birth family. She doesn’t care if she had to live on a dirt floor. How courageous is this little girl to put her life on our hands. To give us her trust?
You know who else is amazing? Our Samantha is amazing. She had to go through the same experiences at age 4 and now she is reliving those experiences with Mahlet. It has dredged up a lot of questions about her past. Questions she never asked and questions I can’t always answer for her. She is one of the bravest girls I know.
So, the next time you think to ask an adoptive parent about their child’s “story”, stop and consider what a personal question you are really asking?